Been an interesting few days here at the Lohrenz Shelter for Displaced Persons - Anacortes branch. Ideas are being discussed, links shared, and decisions slowly being made. Now, plans are slowly being mapped out.
One of the pillars on which my long-term friendship with Amelia is based is the mutual persistence of the "What am I doing here?" question. There is a very real and powerful part of our minds that are always evaluating the present situation and prepared to leave. We know how disquieting this can be for employers and potential partners alike, but at this point it is etched into our beings. Not that we vamoose whenever the urge takes us, mind you. Typically there is a long runway of thought and consultation prior to moving on; and any delay may have a deeper cause than the ostensible reason too.
On my side, in the past few years, despite considerable expenditures of time and energy towards "productive" goals, I ebbed towards a severe disappointment regarding the stereotypically American adulthood habits. To take the metaphor too far: I found myself with the tide out, stuck in muck, and slightly offended by the smell. Sure, I could attribute this attitude about the state of my life, the nation, and the world to my perfectionist, idealistic, perhaps overly educated, hoytie toytie views about reality...but come on...really?
I could probably list off a few of the major things bugging me (today) like the the cost of medical school (and high student loan rates and debt), how it took a billionaire to get sensical birth control funded, that Congress is so incompetent that we cannot get infrastructure funded, that our entire National Park system is likely to be gutted yet again by Congress right before its centennial, and the sin-against-common-decency known as auto-play videos.
I toil exceptionally hard to learn, work, stay informed, pay taxes, communicate with my Representatives, and be a fair minded person about other viewpoints. And then, at the end of the day, only the bare minimal of what I believe should happen actually happens. It is very discouraging.
Part of me wants to do the stomping around routine and shout "HOW IS THIS OK?!" Another part reminds me that I have known for quite a while that money and power are where real influence is and I have the abilities to acquire both. And then, well, then part of me just wants to escape. The human adult world is not meeting my expectations. It's fired.
So, I think I am headed to Alaska next.